To AJ

Glancing at all the Jean Paul Belmondo's,
the Jane Fonda in Klute, that Guess Model...
yes, you know the one.

All the pictures, torn from magazines on the wall you have left.
They say, in black and white,
Blonde!

Like Marilyn Monroe. Like
the cigarette, the life, the classic death,

you are beautiful.

The Post with Hope

The Sutra on Knowing the Better Way to Live Alone
"Knowing how to live alone" here does not mean to live in solitude, separated from other people, on a mountain in a cave. "Living alone" here means living to have sovereignty of yourself, to have freedom, not to be dragged away by the past, not to be in fear of the future, not being pulled around by the circumstances of the present. We are always master of ourselves, we can grasp the situation as it is, and we are sovereign of the situation and of ourselves. There are many places in the sutras where the Buddha says that "being alone" does not mean to be separated from other people. We can be sitting in a cave, but we are not necessarily alone, because we have lost ourselves in our thinking, so we are not alone. In the Majjhima Nikaya there are at least four sutras that talk about the subject of knowing how to live alone, and in the Madhyama Agama there are also sutras that talk about the subject of living alone. Therefore, we know that the subject of living alone is a very important subject in the teachings of the Buddha. We have to know how to do this, how to live in freedom, not being imprisoned by the future and not being carried away by things in the present.

The Sutra on Knowing the Better Way to Live Alone teaches us how to live each moment of our daily life very deeply. When we can live our daily life deeply, we begin to have concentration and wisdom; we can see the true nature of life, and we arrive at a great freedom, and freedom is the essence of happiness. If we are suffering, it is because we are not free, and therefore to practice is to recover our freedom. When we have freedom, we will become solid. Freedom and solidity are the two characteristics of nirvana, so we need a program of freedom and solidity. If somebody is suffering, we know that person is not free; because they are not free, they are suffering, they are being imprisoned by the past, or they are being oppressed by the present, or they are being carried away by the future, and that is why they are suffering. The practice is to re-establish our freedom, and then we will no longer suffer, and our happiness will increase. The oldest writings on the better way to live alone, on how to live deeply in the present moment, are found in this sutra.

For example, someone hears the doctor say, "You have cancer, you may live for six months more." That person feels completely overwhelmed. The fear, the idea that I'm going to die in six months takes away all our peace and joy. Before the doctor told us that we had cancer, we had the capacity to enjoy ourselves with our friends. However, once the doctor told us that, we lose all our capacity to sit and enjoy our tea, or enjoy our meal, or watch the moon, because we are so afraid of the moment when we will die. It takes away all our freedom. If you know that death is something that comes to everybody, you will not suffer so much. The doctor says we have six months left to live, but the doctor also will die. Maybe the doctor knows we have six months, but the doctor does not know how many months he himself has left to live. Maybe the doctor will die before us. Maybe driving home after the examination he will have an accident, and therefore the knowledge of the doctor isn't so great. He tells us we only have six months left. We may be lucky to live six months, because the doctor may die before us. So if we look deeply we see things, which if we don't look deeply we wouldn't see. Looking deeply we can get back our freedom from fear, and with that freedom, with our non-fear, we may live happily those six months.

All of us are equal as far as life and death are concerned: we are all going to die. So it is very equal—it will happen to everybody.
Everyone has to die, but before we die, can we live properly? I am determined to live properly until I die. That is a very awakened
thing to say. If we are going to die, then we have to live the best we can, and if we can live six months in the best way we can then
the quality of that six months will be as if we were living for six years, or sixty years. If our life is filled with being caught in
the fetters of suffering, then our life doesn't have the same kind of meaning as if we live in freedom. So knowing that we have to die,
I am determined to live my life properly, deeply. All of us have to die, but if we are able to live with peace, joy, and freedom before
we die, then we live as if we are dead already, even before we die.

First of all, the Buddha teaches us that we must struggle to get back our freedom, to be able to live the moments of our daily life
deeply. In these moments of our daily life we can have peace, we can have joy, and we can heal the suffering we have in our bodies and in our minds. Living deeply at each moment of our life helps us to be in touch with the wonderful things of life, helps us to nourish our body and our mind with these wonderful elements, and at the same time helps us to embrace and transform the suffering that we have. So to live deeply in the present moment of every day of our life is to live a life of wonder, nourishment, and healing. Living like that we can revive our freedom, and live deeply: we give rise to the truth, we have awakened understanding, and our fears, our anxieties, our sufferings, and our sadness, will evaporate, and we will become a source of joy and life to ourselves and to those around us. According to Buddhism, that is the method of dwelling happily in the present moment. (Thich Nhat Hanh)

The Post Without Hope

Reading news headlines early in the morning can really send you off the deep end.

How about
Large Fire Hits Galveston Ahead of Hurricane,
or
Rita Inflicts Fresh Floods on New Orleans.
Then we have
3 in 82nd Airborne Say Beating Iraqi Prisoners Was Routine
Floodwaters Surge into New Orleans Again
Israel Launches Gaza Air Strike
Vatican to Ban New Gay Priests
Rove Fundraises as Rita Lands
Tears, Anger as Many Poor are Stuck
GA Schools asked to Close for Days to Help Save Fuel
TV Weatherman Quits to Pursue Hurricane "Conspiracy Theory"
Mothers Plan Opposing War Marches on D.C.
Battle Robots Could Join Dogs on S. Korea Border
24 Dead as Hurricane Bus Explodes
Frist Stock Sale Investigated
and if you want to be pushed over the edge REALLY quickly, go here:
War Pornography: US soldiers trade grisly photos of dead and mutilated Iraqis for access to amateur porn. The press is strangely silent.

"Good God Mrs. Todd!" as Elvis used to say. We seem to be in WAY over our heads. I watch politicians on TV and see pompous self-serving fools, the bad adults of childrens' stories, who teach us wrong moral character and provide the antagonist to our innocent child protagonist. We seem to be in deep shit, kids.

Which makes my divorce seem right in sync with the state of the world. Everything is falling apart. Hell, maybe "the Yakuza Mafia used a Russian-made electromagnetic generator to cause Hurricane Katrina in a bid to avenge the atomic bomb attack on Hiroshima". What the hell do I know? I'm just hanging on, trying to get through my work day with as little damage as possible. And hoping they'll lob a couple days off our school year, too, to save gas by not driving the busses. Woohoo!

How about this one, from the Washington Post, to blow your mind...
"Military members evacuate elderly and sick patients onto cargo aircrafts at Port Arthur Regional Airport in Texas"



Our character, as a nation, is being called out, and we aren't dealing with it too well, are we? The elderly are taking a beating and we still want to blame the poor for being poor. This sentiment seems to be a popular e-mail forward lately, as even I (who hate e-mail forwards) received it:

By Rabbi Aryeh Spero Posted Sep 7, 2005
 
In New Orleans, beginning Tuesday morning, August 30, I saw men in helicopters risking their lives to save stranded flood victims from rooftops. The rescuers were White, the stranded Black. I saw Caucasians navigating their small, private boats in violent, swirling, toxic floodwaters to find fellow citizens trapped in their houses.  Those they saved were Black.
 
I saw Brotherhood. New York Congressman Charlie Rangel saw Racism.
 
Yes, there are Two Americas. One is the real America, where virtually every White person I know sends money, food or clothes to those in need now and in other crises -- regardless of color. This America is colorblind.
 
The other is the Americafantasized and manufactured by Charlie Rangel, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, who constantly cry "racism!" even in situations where it does not exist, even when undeniable images illustrate love, compassion and concern.
 
These three men, together with today's NAACP, want to continue the notion of Racist America. It is their Mantra, their calling card. Their power, money, and continued media appearances depend on it.

Since Katrina I have seen a lot of racism in the form of "blaming the victim" in my neck of the woods, which is a fast developing white-flight area. If you don't think racism exists, you are delusional or in denial or...something. As a white woman living in the midwest, I am automatically in the white club, recognize racism's codes, its subtleties, the way it can be communicated with a glance, or a gesture. Racism, with Katrina, was uncovered, laid bare before us, and we still deny its existence. But then, we are fucking idiots who care more about developing wetlands than human kindness, so it figures. I have heard the racist asides, that New Orleans got rid of its underclass in one sweep, that nobody really wants "them", that "they" just want handouts, that "they" expect to be taken care of.

At least now we know where we stand. We won't expect to be taken care of. Especially if we are old, black or poor.

Dirty Tricks

Ok. We aren't stupid. We know our government is deceptive, that they use lies, half-truths, manipulate the media, they don't have our best interests, as working-class Americans, in mind. And we already talked about one strategy, Astroturfing, used to make activities organized by the government (like the Freedom March - see Rev Mykeru) look like they come from the grass-roots.

Today let's talk about Covert Action.

Covert Action operations are often Disinformation Operations, which are conducted in such a way as to discredit the opposition or the enemy.  This is done, for example, by doing a violent action, such as a bombing, but making it look like the forces of another country or group did it.  Such operations are sometimes called False-Flag Operations, meaning that the operation is conducted to make it look like it was done by people serving under another flag, preferably the enemy’s flag.  If the operation succeeds as designed, people will blame the action on the wrong party (the enemy).  Thus, public opinion will be won over to the side that actually did the killing.  Such false-flag, covert action operations are often referred to as Dirty Tricks...

The policy in Iraq is to keep the country destabilized and on the verge of civil war to show that it cannot govern itself and that it therefore requires the continued presence of American and British forces.  The man accused of being behind much of the bombing going on there is Al-Zarqawi, a man known to be dead for some time now.  Also, because he is (or, rather, was) a Sunni, bombings against the Shi’ia population, if blamed on him and the Sunni insurgents, can keep the pot of civil war simmering, thus giving further justification to keeping American and British forces there.

Most recently, two British Covert Operations specialists were captured in Basra, in Southern Iraq.  They were disguised as Arabs and were carrying bomb-making materials.  When Iraqi police tried to apprehend them, the two covert action operatives resisted arrest and killed two policemen.  They were eventually caught and held in jail.  After the British military learned that they had been captured, it sent tanks into Basra to forcibly free the two men.  An enraged mob attacked the tanks with petrol bombs, and people around the world saw British soldiers jumping out of a flaming tank and being stoned.  The reaction was one of sympathy for the British soldiers.  Few stopped to wonder what was behind the anger and the assault.  Most were sympathetic towards the “poor” British soldiers, who were perceived as being unjustly victimized.

So, who is behind many of the bombings against the Shi’ia and Sunni populations?  It is quite possible, even probable, that many of them are being carried out by American, British, and even Israeli Covert Action operatives.

So, when you watch the news, think more deeply about what you’re seeing; and when you read your newspapers, try reading between the lines or wonder about the source or the writer behind the article.  Has the article been planted?  Is the writer in the pay of an intelligence service? (J.V. Grady, "What is Covert Action?" In (Information Clearing House)

What's next? What's the term for confusing issues by linking them together (like "9/11 and the Iraq War", like "Katrina and the Iraq War"). Come on now. We aren't stupid. We are aware of this strategy every time you use it, Bush administration. Call it like it is.

Now I Will Look at Flowers

I am taking a day off today for R&R, and found myself stressed out while reading the news. Our country makes me crazy. Now I will slow it down. I will look at flowers. And Jim Harrison.

"On the morning of September 11, one can imagine that the air over New York City was thick with rising prayers that were too frightened to have verbs and nouns, but shared the noises that creature world makes when desperation and hysteria are so closely allied - or so it seemed watching on television the people running, their faces transfixed well beyond fear.

The intellectual or "learned man" can feel trapped by his cynicism about not only angelic spheres but the very notion of a religion itself. To whom may a bainy anthropologist turn in dire straits? He can repeat a hundred names for God from a hundred cultures, utter dozens of liturgical verses, picture the ancient friezes, tablets, scrolls with which cultures try to frame reality in an acceptable manner. At this point it might not be helpful for our anthropologist to turn to our own historically peculiar culture, in which the most public manifestation of devotion appears to be money. On my long way back from Montana to Michigan after the September 11 tragedy, many motel marquees read, IN GOD WE TRUST, a message that is also on our money. I would have preferred something on the order of, "We pray that this doesn't happen again".

Part of the impulse of the Methodist missionaries in getting the Lakota to wear trousers was that the Lakota would then work to get money to put in their trouser pockets, replacing their love of hunting, dancing, lovemaking, and fighting.

And neither is the kind of religion that presupposes a virtue to wealth helpful at this moment in time. Among a certain group, religion is used to effectively cleanse money, and the Gospel's admonition to take care of the poor is misinterpreted as "a few of the poor." How many times have we heard that five million children go to bed hungry every night? Certainly not as many times as we've seen pieces on the laudatory aspects of great wealth. The top 2 or 3 percent of our population have had a decade-long field day that never trickled down to the bottom 50 percent, who have become virtual social mutants. In my own lifetime I've seen the apotheosis of greed as a virtue, and brutal insensitivity become enlightened self-interest. We may do well for ourselves, but that scarcely makes us a Christian nation, except to those who bathe in patriotic gore out of habit and stupidity. Neither the emperor and consorts, not the citizenry, are wearing the sacramental clothing that they think they are wearing. A simple, private reading of the Gospels would tell them so.

I think that I was nineteen when Rimbaud's "Everything we are taught is false" became my modus operandi, partly because Rimbaud's defiance of society was vaguely criminal and at nineteen you try to determine what you are by what you are against. I was on the run between New York, Boston, San Francisco, and Michigan by thumb, or Greyhound bus if I was flush. My baggage was of enormous consequence: a change of clothes, but mostly anthologies of Russian and Chinese poetry, volumes of Rimbaud and Apollinaire, William Blake, copies of poems of John Clare and Christopher Smart, and a few Dostoevsky novels. Only recently have I realized the degree to which these books were my religious texts; their intent was to teach me the secrets of reality, in short, to explain the meaning of life. In honor of the admission that htere might be a world outside my head, I unsuccessfully took courses in economics, anthropology, and forestry. But it is poetry that has stuck with me as a solution. Organized religion seems to be aiming as low as the media, which has of late become an industry of alarm. Poetry is free from the predominance of profit, and the best of it offers up no lies.

Down on the border we don't have much ambient light, so the stars can be dense and almost milky. I have thought while looking at them of Gandhi's notion that it's pleasant that there will be no religions in heaven. I'm certainly not going to allow my blank wall of incomprehension to temper my reverence for nature and the universe." (Jim Harrison, How Men Pray)

Just Plain Naive

One reason that we are in such dire straits as a country, supporting an administration that is highly deceptive and works against our best interests as working-class Americans, is that people are still just plain naive. As an example, my mother, Dolly, raised her daughters to believe that the people (men. white men.) in charge of our government wouldn't do anything to hurt us. She stretched that macro-generalization to our micro-world. The government knew best, the police knew best, our doctor knew best, our teachers knew best, and our father knew best. Their main concern was our welfare. I can remember arguing with her about the effects of smoking after the tobacco companies were forced (by consumer pressure) to put health warnings on cigarette packs. She refused to believe that the government would have allowed cigarettes to be sold to us if they were harmful. The "government" wouldn't do anything to hurt us.

I watched George Bush's polls rise again, post-Katrina, as his PR spin machine (led by the Criminal Karl Rove, Satan of Spin) crept into action. He first blamed the local and state government, then refused to participate in finger-pointing, after which he "took responsibility for federal failures" and now, predictably, the blame shifts toward the state and city levels again. And we all seem paralyzed with an inability to figure it all out, including the media. It is easier to stay naive. To believe Daddy wouldn't mislead us.

I am reminded that it takes a mighty long time to change unconscious belief systems that are handed down and never questioned, through patterns of thought and behavior that seem in our best interest but really fuck us over. Why else would people stick magnetic bumper stickers on their SUV's that read Support the Troops? Obviously the irony has gone undetected. Where are the critical thinking skills? Why would US citizens allow the environmental carnage of the Bush administration? Why would they allow unqualified men with inadequate backgrounds, like Mike Brown and John Roberts to slide into positions of power undetected? (Read Rev Mykeru's take on this. He calls them "Stealth Candidates") What's up with all this blind acceptance of the president, with Britney Spears-esque, "Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every decision that he makes and we should just support that," statements coming from men?

Naivety used to be a women-only quality, one that accentuated "feminity" and attracted men. Women, caught between the desire for freedom and power over their own lives and bodies and the allure of "being taken care of" were tempted to stay naive, to depend on men to decide tough issues, fight in wars, protect them. Men, who were the grown-ups, liked little girls best. And for aging women it is still tempting to stay "naive". The world is hard as hell to keep up with. For Dolly there is the impossibility of learning confusing technology and a lifetime habit of trusting those in charge to do the thinking.

But what about men? I can't quite understand how the Bush administration flummoxed them into naivety. Nascar driver Darrell Waltrip, when he was stumping for Bush said something like, "President Bush is a guy who'll look ya in the eye... Kerry has a mansion... Bush has a ranch and farm in Crawford, Texas... I'm not an issues type of guy." In truth, both Kerry and Bush are Yale graduates, whose family fortunes exceed what any common man would accumulate in several lifetimes. (www.erwintang.com) Can't Waltrip sort out truth from fiction? What's up with all this naivety?

Maybe it's because Bush fits an underlying recipe for the kind of confident, authoritative father figure such dads believe should run the ship of state as they believe a man should run a family. Republican rhetoric may appeal to the blue-collar man, Lakoff suggests, because we tend to match our view of good politics with our image of a good family. The appeal of any political leader, he believes, lies in the way he matches our images of the father in the ideal family. There are two main pictures of such an ideal American family, Lakoff argues. According to a "strict father family" model, dad should provide for the family, control mom, and use discipline to teach his children how to survive in a competitive and hostile world. Those who advocate the strict father model, Lakoff reasons, favor a "strict father" kind of government. If an administration fits this model, it supports the family (by maximizing overall wealth). It protects the family from harm (by building up the military). It raises the children to be self-reliant and obedient (by fostering citizens who ask for little and speak when spoken to). The match-up here is, of course, to Bush Republicans. ("Let Them Eat War", Mother Jones)

For me the hard part about holding our government accountable is sorting out the sheer quantity of information, some available and some withheld (another favorite of the Bush people is classifying information), sorting fact from fiction, which seems to merge and flow in ways that make it impossible to tell them apart sometimes. I hold myself responsible for sorting it out, critiquing (not criticizing, but critiquing. There's a difference.) Being an adult. Trying to get to the bottom of things, especially the deceptions of a government that I know I can't trust to look out for my welfare (Haven't they proven that yet?)

We need all the tools we can get to help us analyze the hidden workings of the Bush administration. My word for the day, and a tool for helping us figure it all out is Astroturfing.

Astroturfing

In American politics and advertising, the term astroturfing pejoratively describes formal public relations projects which deliberately seek to engineer the impression of spontaneous, grassroots behavior. The goal is the appearance of independent public reaction to a politician, political group, product, service, event, etc., by centrally orchestrating the behavior of many diverse and geographically distributed individuals.

The term, said to have been used first in this context by former Senator Lloyd Bentsen (D-Texas), is wordplay based on "grassroots" efforts, which are truly spontaneous undertakings, largely sustained by private persons (and not politicians, governments, corporations, or public relations firms). "AstroTurf" refers to the bright green artificial grass used in some sports stadiums, so astroturfing refers to artificial grassroots efforts.

Astroturfing is carefully designed to appear as though it is the result of popular feeling, rather than a coordinated campaign, perhaps by spin doctors, or through a front organization.

Examples of these kinds of practices can be found throughout recent political history. In an ostensibly democratic society, most successful political movements involve the exercise of existing power to achieve widespread public consent (and hence legitimacy), so observers may disagree on the line between acceptable support of grassroots activism and astroturfing. Some might suggest that the campaigning techniques of certain non-governmental organizations also embrace aspects of astroturfing.(Read more about Astroturfing at Wikipedia)

I keep saying in this blog that our country feels like it has regressed back into the 1950's, with all the same "hidden" ideologies, silliness, insidiousness. (Go read Chris's post on Americablog for some examples of how racism is becoming more overt (only they don't know it!) in the language of compassionate conservatives.) If Barbara Bush is clueless enough to say "...many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them," (The Nation) it is obvious that George W is the product of a privileged white racist upbringing. And administration damage control saying, "it was just her opinion" is so revealing. Barbara probably doesn't even know she's racist. Hell, George W probably doesn't know he's racist either. I don't imagine he's very good at self-examination. Or critical thinking. The problem, though, is neither are we. And along with this inability to self-examine or tackle complicated issues, manipulations like Astroturfing take the 50's to a whole new level of complexity and hidden agendas that demand time-consuming effort to untangle.

Let's grow up, men and women. Let's tell Daddy we can think for ourselves now. We know how he manipulates us and we are leaving home. We aren't letting him control us any longer. We are on to his deceptive and cruel techniques that scare us and make us want to be taken care of by him. He isn't the only one with information. We can find things out. We can search out his lies. We can find evidence that he doesn't have our welfare as his main concern. We are learning to read and he can't stop us now.

And we want the Republican henchman, Criminal Karl Rove, fired. That is a first step.

WE WILL RISE AGAIN!A New Broadway Musical Starring George W Bush

Alrighty then. Things have been intense the past couple of weeks, haven't they? Katrina brought the glaring truth of race and class disparity into the forefront of our conversation. We witnessed Bush's incompetence, saw him take a hit in the polls and we felt an opening appear in the consciousness of the country where hope could enter.

But now, a few days later, typically the Bush polls are rising again, Republican spin seems to have inexplicably won out again and we find ourselves two steps back. Environmentally, socially, morally, as a nation we are screwed and confused.

Loosening the standards for mercury in the environment, drilling for oil in pristine wilderness, we make "WE WILL RISE AGAIN!" Broadway theater, starring George W Bush, set in New Orleans. We play the part of the wide-smiling chorus, "The American People", high-kicking our way toward annhihilation in a line across the stage while the press snap pictures, write glowing reviews, provide second-by-second updates on the polls, jockey for an exclusive interview with the star.

Hurricanes! Plagues! Environmental Disasters!

The audience *gasps* as millions are hurled toward oblivion!

! Will the human race survive?!

(Scene reaches a climax during "The Dance at the Gym":)

(Blue chorus enters left:)
Loud Foot Stomping!

(Red chorus enters right:)
A flurry of skirts, hooting, hand clapping! Singing, dancing, a crescendo of swirling color, noise, movement...

(Blue Chorus:)

"A record loss of sea ice in the Arctic this summer has convinced scientists that the northern hemisphere may have crossed a critical threshold beyond which the climate may never recover. Scientists fear that the Arctic has now entered an irreversible phase of warming which will accelerate the loss of the polar sea ice that has helped to keep the climate stable for thousands of years."

(Red Chorus:)

We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when
But I'm sure we'll meet again some sunny day
Keep smiling through, just the way you used to do
Till the blue skies chase the dark clouds far away"
(Bush Watch)

The audience, collectively worn-out and ready for a late-night drink and bed, exhales with relief as the play draws to a close and our star artlessly utters his final line. (Karl Rove, Satan of Spin, Playwright Extraordinaire, waits in the wings with his last bit of improvised soliloquy. He breathes in Bush's earpiece, "This is not a time for finger-pointing." "Repeat." "This is not a time for fingerpointing.")

Over and over, no matter what question is asked. The exhausted audience loves you. The media are yours. You are a star.

I was expecting this. Bush gets through without a scratch again. The star takes a bow. He smirks. He gives the audience the finger. No one notices.

Apocalyptic State of Mind

Saturday morning, and after my second all-consuming week back at work I am enjoying the luxury of moving slowly. I lounge in bed, read some news online, take the time to think about the bloggers I read daily who, like me I sense, are going through some sort of transition. We aren't as available. Blogging and life goes full circle and becomes a more solitary endeavor. My life as I know it is ending and I will very soon be living alone, the prospect of which in weak moments turns me into the vulnerable Bridget Jones, who is sure she will end up a lonely dead alcoholic whose body is eaten by Alsatian dogs. On strong days I am Rocky, and my trainer Veronica is there in my corner, exhorting and washing the wounds. As I experience cataclysmic change in my life, I want to keep my presence of mind and not get too wrapped up in myself. I want to control my behavior.

"When it rains it pours", says Dolly.

In a related apocalyptic vein, speaking of human behavior in stressful situations and natural disasters like Katrina, Cookie (via Steve Gilliard, via Melanie) quotes The Thin Veneer of Civilization, by Timothy Garton Ash, a professor of European studies at Oxford University and a Hoover Institution senior fellow:

The basic point is the same: Remove the elementary staples of organized, civilized life - food, shelter, drinkable water, minimal personal security - and we go back within hours to a Hobbesian state of nature, a war of all against all. Some people, some of the time, behave with heroic solidarity; most people, most of the time, engage in a ruthless fight for individual and genetic survival. A few become temporary angels; most revert to being apes.

[...]

There are intimations of this even in normal, everyday life. Road rage is a good example. Or think what it's like waiting for a late-night flight that is delayed or canceled. At first, those carefully guarded cocoons of personal space we carry around with us in airport waiting areas break down into flickerings of solidarity. The glance of mutual sympathy over the newspaper or laptop screen. A few words of shared frustration or irony. Often this grows into a stronger manifestation of group solidarity, perhaps directed against the hapless check-in staff. (To find a common enemy is the only sure way to human solidarity.) But then a rumor creeps out that there are a few seats left on another flight at Gate 37. Instant collapse of solidarity. Angels become apes. The sick, infirm, elderly, women and children are left behind in the stampede. Dark-suited men, with advanced degrees and impeccable table manners, elbow aside the competition, get their boarding passes and then retreat into a corner, avoiding other people's gaze - the gorilla who got the banana. All this just to avoid a night at the Holiday Inn in Des Moines.

Obviously, the decivilization in New Orleans was 1,000 times worse. I can't avoid the feeling that there will be more of this, much more of it, as we go deeper into the 21st century. There are just too many big problems looming that could push humanity back. The most obvious threat is more natural disasters as a result of climate change. If this cataclysm is interpreted by politicians as — to use the hackneyed phrase that they will themselves undoubtedly use — a "wake-up call" to alert Americans to the consequences of the United States continuing to pump out carbon dioxide as if there were no tomorrow, then the Katrina hurricane cloud will have a silver lining. But it may already be too late. We may be launched on an unstoppable downward spiral. If so, if large parts of the world were tormented by unpredictable storms, flooding and temperature changes, then what happened in New Orleans would seem like a tea party.

This description of the disintegration of human behavior in times of crisis and chaos makes me think of Mad Max. Especially Mad Max 2, The Road Warrior, starring Mel Gibson, who it turns out is another one of those "he's so bizarre you can't help but love him" actors that have made me the movie whore that I am. And his Max is another delightful "alienated hero of questionable morality".

A former police officer in a post-apocalyptic Australia, Max wanders around looking for what has become the most valuable commodity for survival, gasoline. He becomes the reluctant protector of a community of people who guard a small refinery from a terrorist biker gang. The movie seems a pretty realistic scenario of the near future, and peoples' behavior at gas stations these days, particularly while waiting in line at the one that's undercutting the station on the opposite corner, is a good example of "angels becoming apes". Gas is the new gold. (There's another one for the "Everything Changes" Game.)

In this phase of my solitary apocalyptic life, rather than the triumphant but sad Rocky, I shall be Max. Hell, no longer the 1960's invalid Elizabeth Taylor, I can "will" myself to be the soldier, the survivalist, the medic, the mechanic, the scientist. I McGuiver my way into the future, with strength, intelligence, dexterity, agility and a strong constitution. I will learn to use weapons, armor, medical supplies, take initiative, attack and be unafraid of death.

Above all I will have discernment of what is good and true. I'll be a quick learner and be prepared (All of that girl scout training wasn't for naught!). I will be unafraid and I won't be swayed. The future is chaos. Let's go.

Where is our alienated hero of questionable morality when we need him?

It is surprising to hear someone say something genuine these days. Kanye West went off script on NBC's live concert fundraiser for victims of Hurricane Katrina Friday night, and NBC's scripted reaction was coded (below) but clear. "Back off, bitch." (Kanye West's Torrent of Criticism, Live on NBC)

Red alert! Red alert! There's a human being truthful over here! Sound the alarm!

Beyond that, Kanye West showed emotion, something for which women have paid dearly throughout history, and have learned, to succeed in a male world, to hide. I am sure Kanye will pay for that "weakness". The network has already dismissed his words as rash and inappropriate when they described the event as "live and full of emotion." By now we all know what Kanye said, among other things:

George Bush hates black people.

How real.

And NBC Universal, back to the bullshit, in a statement issued to the Reporters Who Cover Television after the broadcast:

Tonight's telecast was a live television event wrought with emotion. Kanye West departed from the scripted comments that were prepared for him, and his opinions in no way represent the views of the networks. It would be most unfortunate if the efforts of the artists who participated tonight and the generosity of millions of Americans who are helping those in need are overshadowed by one person's opinion.

It's as if we have become the futuristic film noir, Blade Runner, starring the alienated hero of questionable morality, Harrison Ford. We are the android replicants, created with limited life spans in case we became too human (We cannot show emotion or we will be destroyed.) who are attempting to escape from enslaving conditions on an Off-World outer planet. We are driven by fear and we search out our creator for help in prolonging our lives.


Will more authentic voices appear? Will the state, out to find ones "too human", destroy us, and will spin win out (Karl Rove, Satan of Spin, has been at George Bush's side lately, after all). Will the scripted and inauthentic George W Bush get through this crisis without a "real" word or a scratch, as usual?

Where is our alienated hero of questionable morality when we need him?

Lotus in Progress

Losing is the New Finding

The only constant in my life at the moment is the self-medication of the gardens, and I return there night after night to breathe in the scent of opening roses. The buds hold the perfume not of dreams or expectations, you lovers who buy a scentless dozen, but they enchant with a momentary endorphin release, a deep breath of be here now, a natural prozak. In their crowded beds filled with plump new petals juxtaposed with wilting ones, they display incredible change at fast-forward. One day passes and everything shifts. It's a brand new place!

We try to freeze-frame a memory, press flowers at their perfect moment between the pages of a book, capture euphoria in a perfume bottle. Elusive scent, momentary burst of living color, drug flower, I miss you.

Lately I play a game in my head called "Everything Changes". I picked up a popular culture token and began to claim squares. My list grows:

1. Girls are the new boys. Just ask all of the men who are trying to reclaim the masculine.

2. White is the new black. Black culture is forced into continual evolution, a step ahead of being co-opted, alive with new language, dress and custom. But never reaping the benefit.

These could work:
3. Bitch is the new good girl.
4. Blonde is the new brunette.
5. Pain is the new pleasure.
6. Fake is the new real.

And George W Bush has created some new ones:
7. Religion is the new science.
8. Spin is the new news.
9. Narrow-minded is the new informed.
10. Uncritical acceptance of government is the new patriotic.
11. Uncritical accepance of war is the new 'supporting the troops.

And some hopeful ones:
12. Old is the new young. (Cyborgs we will be.)
13. Rich is the new poor.

I have held on so hard to sameness (and our culture encourages us to hold on with contracts, certificates, commitments, vows, ownership, promises!), that I have made myself sick. I tried to stay the same, like a woman. Like a girl. Like a person taught to suffer. Like a slave, like a whore, like a selfless one. Like one who is taught to sacrifice. Like one who can take it. Like one who puts others first. Like one who is silent. Like one who is complicit in the wide-spread deception that things stay the same.

Isn't our collective desire evident now, after the devastation of Katrina? We will rebuild New Orleans! We will stay the same! And after 9/11? We will build tall towers that declare our permanence! We own. We claim. Together, we labor to stay the same.

But I am tired of holding on. My hands, not working too good anyway (what does our physical have to tell us?), have allowed slippage. I let you slip out of my grasp. I claim one last square:

14. Losing is the new finding.