Unabridged E-Mail: Notes on Loving Willa

Tues, July 5, 2005

MJ.  I have been getting your phone messages and doing a quick respond to them.  Am I doing that wrong?  Haven't you heard back from me at all?  Shit.  Lately I seem to make a lot of mistakes and probably shouldn't be driving a car.  I am tired and I work too much -- full time plus many nights and Saturdays, and usually work through lunch.  I thought I would keep this job until I retire, but am not sure now; I like to work but I don't want to die on the job. 
 
Theo and I are fighting lately and that wears me out, too.  It seems like I just can't talk to anyone -- probably just depressed as hell. 
 
I love you but don't quite know what to do to pull out of this.  I am going to try to come out and see Dolly this summer for a quick trip, but right now I feel like I wouldn't live through it.  I am really thinking about dying a lot again, but I've made it through before -- I didn't say that to worry you; I am fine, really.
 
Willa didn't call me either; but then she has not called me since the girls were little and we went to the store together.  I believe that Willa and I both went far far away once, and she couldn't make it back at all (I am probably half way, eh?).     
 
Damn.  I answered the phone and I have to go and fix something that I messed up.
I love you.  You have a family; we are just all fucked up.
 
See ya soon, I hope!  Georgia