Happy Chimp

You have no idea what liberation I have experienced since learning that we humans are just smart chimps, just animals who think too much (thank you Mo). What a lot of pressure off. I no longer feel the veins in my forehead threaten to explode when I hear George Bush's voice or see him on TV. I don't even have to change the channel.

Another thing. My job! It is just something that I do every day. Things that used to provoke eye-rolling now make me smile! An e-mail to staff reminding us to dress professionally doesn't phase me at all. And what I once would have thought of as an idiotic school assembly of screaming dunces now has become a comedy, something for my entertainment pleasure.

I am freed from spending endless hours contemplating the meaning of life and the "God Question" hardly enters my mind at all... along with my own impending mortality. What does it matter if my house collapses from all the fucking rivers of rain we are getting in JANUARY? To hell with global warming and the fact that amphibians are disappearing from the earth and people are stupid, self-absorbed and destructive. Of course they are!

I no longer agonize over relationships, because what's the point? I'm just a smart chimp, and not too much brighter than a chimp at that. Just brighter enough to not be able to enjoy myself, ask too many questions, care too much. So fuck that.

I have unplugged my landline. Those grave-voiced student loan collectors can screw themselves. I have left that worry behind with rear-end collision repairs, my childrens' survival and faulty plumbing. All are distractors from the simple act of being a chimp.

From now on I am a happy chimp (probably a bonobo would be best, now that I think about it) taking life as it comes, swinging around in the trees, eating whatever I can dig up without worry about nutrition and weight control. This is the life! What a relief.