Well, Fuck Me.

Here is a picture of the beautiful winter sky that I snapped yesterday after returning home from work to find that that the electricity had been turned off.

Later, talking with AJ on my phone while walking down the aisles of the immense grocery "super" store, I ask, "Shall I buy one or two boxes of 100 tea light candles?" "Two! And tell the woman at the electric company that she sucks cock for money!" This has become AJ's stock phrase which she uses for all occasions. I tell her I will certainly do that, and repeat it loudly to her in the produce department for effect. It does seem to rouse the midwestern farm crowd a bit.

After finding the electricity turned off but before regrouping and deciding to be strong and present in the moment, I fell into a breakdown of thinking. I saw the divorce, the auto-immune disorder, the rear-end collision (with its complications because the stupid driver who hit me left the scene and now the cop is on a "mysterious leave of absence"), the incident where I locked myself out of the house and now the electricity being turned off through no fault of my own as a downward spiral. I was under attack! I was experiencing a series of negative events that would certainly end with me on the street begging for money... or something worse! Well, fuck me.

So after deep breathing, much internal swearing and batting my head against the wall, I determined not to let Steven take away my power over this minor obstacle. He can have the fucking heat turned off, it will just make me stronger. I lit my myriad of tealight candles, and manned with an enormous flashlight sat in bed with a glass of wine and admired my latest library bargains, all purchased for $4.00: the latest Vogue magazine, Do it Yourself Life Plan Astrology, Numerology: Key to Your Inner Self, The Dance of Intimacy, by Harriet Lerner (which Mallory recommended long ago) and a couple of novels, Paula, by Isabel Allende and The Crossing, by Cormac McCarthy.

The electricity was turned back on at 11:30 today. "We can't possibly turn it back on until then!" the woman who sucks cock for money said soberly. I survived, even though we have about an inch four inches of snow with a couple more inches on the way. There's a weather warning, it's gonna be in the low 20's tonight and windy with more snow tomorrow.

I've got to admit, I was really happy when the heat came back on. I took a long shower after the water warmed up. And made coffee. And cranked the music up. And turned on the computer. I'm thinking I may just stay at home tomorrow, maybe see Walk the Line. Huck says Joaquin Phoenix's performance is one of the best he's seen.