Simplify

Rachel Aviv interviews Albert Ellis, the founder of cognitive behavioral therapy, in the latest Village Voice. Ellis "...has spent the past 50 years encouraging patients to 'forget their goddamn past!' The best way to cure people's unhappiness, he says, is to just tell them—firmly—to stop acting irrationally." Here's some of the interview:

When did you decide that Freudian analysis was a waste of time? Freud was full of horseshit. He invented people's problems and what to do about them. Tell me one thing about the past. I'll prove it's not what upset you. It's how you philosophized about it that made you disturbed.

If Freud is horseshit, why are so many people still spending hours on the couch, talking about their dreams? Because people are crazy and stupid! And especially psychologists and therapists are stupid! That's the main reason.

Many of your books include charts, questionnaires and equations, which show readers how to more efficiently deal with their unhappiness. Are there dangers in seeing deep mental processes as a formula? It's not a formula. It's several different formulas. I encourage USA, Unconditional Self Acceptance. I accept me, myself, my personality, whether or not I do well. I prefer to do well, but I don't put my worth on the line. And I accept you—with your [cough attack] stupidity and failings—whether or not you do well. And I accept life without demanding that it be exactly the way I want it to be. I avoid the words "should," "ought" and "must."

Do you think depression is indulgent? Yes, it's "I run the fucking universe and it should do my bidding." That's arrogant and indulgent.

You seem very comfortable swearing—in writing as well. Much more than your average 91-year old. I was the first psychologist at the American Psychological Associate Convention in Chicago in 1950 who was able to use "fuck" and "shit." The rest were scared shitless. It strikes home. It's direct. It doesn't beat around the bush.

This guy really seems to be on to something (plus you gotta love his use of profanity). It reminded me of the questions I asked you the other day:

What it is that you look forward to the most in your life? In what stage do you find yourself? Do you still harbor hope for profound happiness, true love, satisfaction? Do you still matter as much to yourself? Have you tabled some dreams and rearranged others? Isn't it somehow troubling but also comforting that in the end we must release all of our ideas and passions?

which brought this little exchange:

Cookie: Call me crazy, but I still hold out hope for happiness --- although i've definitely shelved some dreams.

MJ: Yeah? Me too, but maybe that's not so bad after all. Simpler.

Cookie: Simpler is good.

I have spent a lot of years agonizing over life and my place in it, and I think my "big lesson" during this phase has something to do with Ellis' idea of Unconditional Self Acceptance. I am nearer to accepting myself, my personality, whether or not I do "well" and I don't let not doing well (shifting expectations) put my worth on the line. I am closer to accepting you, whether or not you do well. And I am giving up the fight and accepting life without demanding that it be exactly the way I want it to be. I am trying to avoid the words "should," "ought" and "must.

I told AJ yesterday that letting go of our desire for something (true love, success, whatever) seems to open avenues for its arrival. At the point when we don't desire or need something anymore, it seems to come to us. And then we have to decide whether the burden of possessing that old dream is too great. Then again, maybe this kind of thinking is just another form of holding-on.

There is joy in letting go of things, especially the torment of understanding the self, with all of its "important" baggage. There is peace in allowing life to be bad, good, whatever, without such huge expectations. There is contentment in accepting the moment.

I hope this lasts.