Palm Readings, 2/$20

My inclination is to plaster photos onto each new post and let pictures talk for me. I have no words, just a need to concentrate on one thing so wholly that it blocks out all else. I envision myself tearing apart large pieces of thick rag paper and applying layer after layer of vivid powdery pastels, like a child, tongue out, face close to the powder. I lick it.

Lying scattered around me like new playthings on the bed upstairs are books purchased from the library sale yesterday. A large volume of Helprin's Winter's Tale, because I can't resist buying any used copy of it that appears in my line of vision, Ram Dass' Still Here ("Ram Dass has entered the often stormy relationship between our physical and spiritual sides, and he has lived to tell about it."), a box set of Sacred Path Cards, by Jamie Sams ("...this unique system distills the essential wisdom of the sacred teachings of many tribal traditions and shows users the way to transform their lives."), Who Are You?, 101 Ways of Seeing Yourself, by Malcolm Godwin ("...designed to help you find out more about yourself. It contains 101 mirrors of self-discovery in which you can recognize your dominant behavior, your body type, how you feel and act, how you think and approach your spirituality."), an Anne Tyler novel, Morgan's Passing and Louise Erdrich's latest, The Master Butchers Singing Club. With the exception of the Erdrich novel, the pile, carried out of the library by me disguised as me, came to $4.50, which seemed like a good deal at the time. Famous last words. That would be a good one for a tombstone. "It seemed like a good deal at the time." The Kama Sutra-reading librarians were half-relaxed yesterday, a good day in the land of "You touch my books I'll kill you." I have, in the past, had a very rocky relationship with libraries.

Which reminds me of a post I have been thinking about writing that goes something like this. Everything changes. We see evidence of it every day. You know, like "girls are the new boys". Isn't it true? Aren't girls the new boys? The strong ones? The smart ones? The ones with so much power they need to be held down? They are blowing the lid off the SAT's, ACT's, math, science... Evidence of girls' potential is everywhere, and it is a truth that sets the universe shaking with imbalance. Loss of control. Fear. Desire. Greed. Hunger. Change is hard. Avoidance. Sickness. Death. Turn her around again. Hold her down. Wait.

But enough of my vague notions. I am here to prophecy the future! So pull up your chair and we shall begin with a reading of your palm. Place your hand in mine and show me the mounts of your palm, Mercury, Sun, Saturn, Jupiter, Mars, Venus and the Moon. I run my fingers over your hand, wisely discerning your strengths, weaknesses, your potential for change. I see that you are self-confident, practical, cautious, ambitious, serious, patient, you have a tendency to be gloomy, too serious and often solitary. I see more, but I pause. Would you like to speak? (This veil over my face grows tiresome, dare I remove it?)

Your heart line originates between the fingers of Saturn and Jupiter, which shows that you are tolerant and practical, with a common-sense view of love. (Ah. I discern pain in this place.) You are sympathetic and sensual. Relax. Your chair is big and comfortable and you have nowhere to go. Next we must see where your head line, which I can see begins with your lifeline, will take us. You are cautious. Mentally capable. Spirited. Independent. Since this line touches the lunar mount, you are strongly influenced by imagination and dreams.

Come closer. This is about you. (I cradle your hand now, feel the warmth, am glad to be with you.) You will find that there is an obstacle in your path, and you will not know how to remove it. You will search for many years in vain for answers. You will feel alienated, depressed, self-destructive, despairing, precious, self-indulgent. You will become bullying, aggressive, wilful, dominating, intimidating, confrontational, belligerent and violent. This is the wilderness.

But everything changes. From here you will allow your creative power to unfold and you will cross the important bridge that divides personal power and truth. What you will choose is up to you.

And now I am tired. Go away. Yes, perhaps you can enter my chamber again one day, if the Kama Sutra librarians say it is ok. They, after all, are the keepers of the ancient wisdom, the priests at the gates of the spiritual realm, the religious types who have forgotten all fleshly creeds and dogmas so as to take away your memory of all that is said or written.

Sosan's words for you. "The more you talk and think about it, the further astray you wander from the truth. Stop talking and thinking and there is nothing you will not be able to know." Go now. It is getting late and I am weary. Yes, I accept tips. Yes, I will see you tomorrow. Yes, we will let go, and we will meet again. Yes.