The Lavender's Blue, Girl's Book of How-To

I learned how to be a girl from the movies,
to flirt and to kiss and to cry.
I learned to lie from the government.
Be deceptive. Covert. A spy.

Lavender's blue, dilly, dilly,
Lavender's green;
When I am king, dilly, dilly,
You shall be queen.

I learned how to get my own way
from my peers, my sisters in crime.
I learned to how to talk like a sailor
from the grease boys, stoned drunk all the time.

Call up your men, dilly, dilly,
Set them to work,
Some to the plough, dilly, dilly,
Some to the cart.

I learned how to surrender and sacrifice
from a song by Bette Midler I'm sure.
We learned to be nice girls from our fathers,
From our mothers we learned to be whores.

Some to make hay, dilly, dilly,
Some to thresh corn,
While you and I, dilly, dilly,
Keep ourselves warm.

I learned how to believe in God Almighty
from some fucking words in a book
and to resist was futile I finally learned
from the person whose money I took.

I learned to be honest from Bonnie and Clyde
I learned to be thankful from a guru
I learned how to laugh from Laurel and Hardy
I learned regret from you, old friend

I learned regret from you.

I sing, I sing,
From morn till night;
From cares I'm free,
And my heart is light.