Lost in the Gardens
I think I go to the gardens to not-think. To focus on something so closely with complete concentration that the incessant circular tape in my mind stops and I am existing in the moment.
There is peace in that moment.
Is it escape or is it destination?
posted by MJ @ 5:49 AM
7 comments
7 Comments:
It is both.
No it isn't. (Yes, that is me, with cocked head, goading you.)
It’s difficult for me to put into words without seeming to trivialize it.
But, for instance, during those rare moments on my front porch with a drink and a cigar (…and the neighborhood is as quiet, peaceful, and wonderful as those precious few moments before a heart-quickening thunderstorm…) when I am able to absolutely and completely clear my mind of any thought at all, I am as close to escaping as I’ve ever been. At utter peace (or I should say as close as I am capable of achieving). It is cleansing and perfect. After these rare and beloved moments, I truly feel as though I have arrived. I lack the basic ability to completely relax—so these moments are dear to me. Spiritual destination? Emotional? I can’t say. But I do know that I feel like a better person after those moments. And feeling like a better person lets me at least feel like a better father—and in truth it likely makes me a better father. The only difference I see between your gardens visits and my smoke-filled porch is that I don’t focus on anything tangible or intangible (so I don’t know that what I am doing is actually meditating—guess I’ve never really thought about it). If there is a focus at all it is on not focusing. If that makes sense. Longwinded way of saying, Yeah, ultimately it is escape. But it sure seems pretty to me to think of it as destination too.
Sorry for the long response. Best to you on your trip. Enjoy!
Ryan, you are so nice to accomodate my senseless goading. I had expected more of an innane "Is not!" "Is too!" exchange, but look at you. You actually put some thought into this.
I have also smoked things and imbibed in the fire water, but always as a !!DESTINATION!! In fact, those destinations were usually an escape too. Of course.
That place of "be here now" is so elusive, so difficult to attain. I wanna be a hermit. Those Taoist hermits really went after it. Just walked into the mountains and found a cave and meditated for most of their life. It's all they wanted to do. They renounced what 99.9% of the population runs headlong after. And they were content. Hell, they lived on pine needles. In theory it is so beautiful, but if I went a couple days eating only pine needles, my little hermitage would probably start looking like the Donner party.
Oh well. I bet Veronica and I will have some great meals in Florida!
Beautiful pictures, very interesting angle and backlight effect.
Thanks Erin, I went to your site, and it looks interesting...
Ryan, not that you are particularly interested in the Chinese hermits, but since they are my obsession, I was thinking about what I said: "They renounced what 99.9% of the population runs headlong after." I don't think the hermits were into renunciation at all, they just weren't interested in the same things that most people were. I don't think they used meditation as an escape or a destination. They simply were dwelling in what they considered "reality".
When I asked you a couple posts back what you were looking for (or something to that effect), it took me back to a time when I lived in Maine and worked with the "retarded", (which seemed perfectly OK to call them at the time). I met a guy called Tinker, who seemed to be inexplicably taken care of by the universe. He was without worry. Once I was driving him to Portland in my old beater-of-a-car and he suddenly said, "Stop!" He got out of the car, picked up a pair of glasses from the ground, put them on and they were the perfect prescription. He wore them as long as I knew him. Big black funky Elvis Costello glasses. These things happened to him.
Once we sat drinking whiskey after work (wow, there are stories there!) and he asked me what I was "after". I immediately said "reality". I don't know where that word came from, I hadn't thought it through, but it was somehow true, and still is.
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