Suspended

Well, no Buddhist shindig last night, kids. I had the date wrong. It's next weekend.

So after taking a walk and snapping some pictures with my phone (right), I settled in and watched A Love Song for Bobby Long, a movie about a young girl who returns to New Orleans after her mother dies to find two men living in her mother's house. They are forced to live together (with much conflict) but eventually learn that they are connected in deep ways. John Travolta was good as alcoholic offensive but loveable Bobby Long, but why are filmmakers always compelled to have him dance? Come on, I'm trying to suspend my disbelief here. There were literary lines woven throughout by Bobby Long (a former English professor) and his protege, a former student, who live among misfits and invisible people (outcasts) in New Orleans. I think that's why I liked the movie. The outsiders became the focus.

I drove to the video store to return the movie and the streets, at midnight, were full of happy young people. Students stood outside bars tipping beers, and the sidewalk tables outside the coffee shops were full. They are moving out of dorms and saying goodbye. The town will grow silent again.

This morning I awoke with a jerk. In my dream Georgia and Theo and I sat across from one another. We were traveling by plane, or train, and the waiter stood above as Georgia ordered a beer. Theo ordered whiskey, and Georgia looked at him and said, "Are you sure?" I didn't drink because I knew disapproval would follow.

I left them there. Walking, I found myself approaching a large expanse of water. I quickly tried to estimate whether the rising water had left enough sandbars to hop across to reach Georgia and Theo again. It looked hopeless, and as I approached, I saw a body on its side, gracefully suspended underwater in a tidepool. I recognized the bare legs first. Then I saw her dead pale face and long brown hair, reaching weightlessly upward toward the sparkling surface, like a mermaid. It was AJ.

In a spit second I was transported to my bed, jerked awake, to this day.

This day. What will it bring? Thoughts of Georgia, Theo, AJ, my walk last night and the windy rain that whipped the trees outside as I fell asleep with a book in my hand. Relationships, alienation, the realization that I leave my past behind. I make it flawed. Then I desert it. But somewhere in my psyche the people still reside, those I have abandoned, those I have repelled, those I have pushed away. The places I discount. The good friends I spent time with. The family. The community. The past. The future.

Poof. I am gone.