Hermit

I think I am over my Bela Lugosi obsession. At least for now. But it does seem to represent the salt mines pretty well, so from now on if you see this:

you will know that I am in danger of having the life sucked out of my veins. Beware!

I am debating whether to be a hermit tonight and hide away in my little upstairs room or go to a Buddhist center and listen to teachings on the Abhidhamma. I have been interested in learning more about Buddhism for a long time, and Mallory thinks I should expand my life where I am, not wait for the "perfect" environment. She's probably right, but I reminded her that I hate the human race.

So I am probably going to do the typical thing, hide. I don't feel very fucking spiritual. Plus I ate TWO bratwursts when I got home from work...and drank a gallon of coffee. So all these freakin' people in robes that only ate two grains of rice today will be there in a meditative state of bliss in all their skinny purity...I'm bad. Dont' listen to me. I'm sure they are really very special.

I didn't always hate the human race. Working in the public school system can take you to the dark side in a hurry. Teachers come in all perky, with lesson plans dancing in their heads and in a couple years they are using all their self-control to not pound the living shit out of their students. They struggle to maintain the "happy teacher" mask.

One day a student told Wendy, the teacher in the next room, that she has ugly feet and Wendy lost it. Went off the deep end. Not because of that particular rudeness, but because of the hundreds that preceded it. That incident was the straw that broke the camel's back. Wendy survived to see me go off the deep end a day later when I heard the hundredth student say "this is stupid" when asked to do some work. She holds me up one day, I hold her up the next. It works out.

So I will think about this Buddhist shindig. It might be interesting, and hell. That nirvana sounds good, doesn't it?