Bathing Suit Bodies
It was a real mistake, but I tried bathing suits on today. Actually I was looking for a bikini for Moe, who is flying to Fiji on April 16th. Since I was already up to my ass in bathing suits, I decided to just go for it. Get it over with. Hell. Try some on.
Oh. My. God.
Fitting rooms were created to make women look like shit. JESUS! I'm sure my legs don't look like that. And what the fuck, is this some kind of joke? My eyes look like they are bleeding. I suck in my stomach and smile, as if the personality that I exude will slice away all the places upon which my warped vision fixates. Breasts? Too big. Legs? Ohmygod. Stomach? Suck it in. Shoulders back! Imagine movement! It wouldn't be so bad if you were moving!
I am determined to start working out again. I printed out about 50 pages of local work-out schedules at work today. Yoga, tai chi, water aerobics, laps, weight training, kickboxing...I think I can at least do all of these per week. And maybe a triathlon or two.
I have an idea that can make us rich, you lucky reader. Shhh. Just between us, it's a "body-enhancing dressing room mirror". We will revolutionalize the fitting room experience. The dirty and unpleasant "stall", with its broken locks and glaringly invasive lighting, must be transformed into an exclusive nightclub, where everyone looks HOT! HOT! HOT!. We need colored lighting, definitely. Carpeting. Music (probably Mark Kozelek). Wine. Hell, we need filters. Who would want to have their photo taken without major filters? Okay then, they must also be integrated into the fitting room experience.
We are living in the "dark age" of fitting rooms. I feel Neanderthal. On the other hand, AJ believes that fitting rooms are good the way they are because they motivate us to lose weight. But I bet if fitting rooms made women feel beautiful, stores would sell lots more clothes, especially bathing suits.
AJ and I, assessing our education and talents, imagined ourselves inventing these mirrored mini-paradises. We figured we'd crush up some old mirrors with hammers and add some stuff and stick it together and add some sand, and then.....
Well, let's face it, we need the help of a couple of husky scientists. Only then will we feel beautiful.
posted by MJ @ 8:45 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
I definitely agree. When i look in the mirror of a department store fitting room and my hair looks stringy and my skin flaky and parched, and i can see every fat cell bulging below my skin, i lose interest in whether the clothes actually look good. In fact, i become convinced that the clothes can not look good on me. I become discouraged that a pair of jeans will do nothing to disguise the girth of my thighs or the berth of my hips, and i put them back on the shelf. Softer lighting that melted fat into curves, made my reflection flattering and glowy would almost certainly make me feel better about what i'm trying on.
I've linked you to my blog :)
Exactly. Lighting that makes you look more like YOU. Enhances your you-ness. Makes your reflection glowy! (Way to go, good word, this can all be used for advertising later...)
Exactly. Lighting that makes you look more like YOU. Enhances your you-ness. Makes your reflection glowy! (Way to go, good word, this can all be used for advertising later...)
I have decided that fitting rooms are the antechamber of Hell so I no longer visit them. I am the person who will just buy with reckless abandon and will try things on in the privacy of my own home!! It has made my life (and self esteem) that much better.
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