A Whore in the Church of Movies

Today I woke up at 2:30 am and floated in and out of sleep for a couple of hours. My dreams were full of images from movies.

I was in a shabby apartment building hallway and my companion and I were trying to find a particular apartment for some intriguing reason. Arriving there, she stealthily leaned her back against the door (gun in both hands, of course - you can picture this) and was stabbed with a long knife from within. Didn't I just see that scene in a movie?

I dozed off and my dream became one about a rich man who didn't know his friends from his enemies and had gone berserk. He was testing people, tying them up (or were they tying him up?), trying to find out whether they wanted his money. Of course they all DID want his money, but I remember as a minor character in the dream just wanting to get the hell out of there. Forget saving anyone, just stay low and get out. Funny, the rich man in my dream looked like the stepfather in "Shaun of the Dead", which I watched last night. And a beautiful woman in the same dream looked a lot like Geneviève Picot, the housekeeper in "Proof", which I also rented last night. She was trying to prove to him that she didn't want his money by burning her breast with a lighter, burning her jewelry, turning the tables on the rich guy, damaging the things he desired. They were both fucked-up and totally deranged by excess wealth.

Which made me think about Hollywood actors who are seduced by money and fame. Wealth and fame are a hindrance to happiness and take away a person's anonymity, the most valuable thing of all. I remember listening to a bit on NPR one day about a young playright from Austin, Texas who was "making it" and had a show on Broadway. He was beginning to be recognized as he rode his bike around town, and he quickly gave it up. He didn't want to lose that treasure of anonymity. He was losing access to the world which inspired him.

Hollywood stars are like pastors of huge churches. Suddenly their message takes a back seat to the heating bill for the mega-building that "God" provided. They become slaves to the mansions and the monthly upkeep and utility payments so they prostitute themselves by giving preferential treatment to the richest parishioners. They turn into pimps and whores, forget what they are about and become a front for Christianity, keeping up the appearance. It's called American civil religion, and it's all over the midwest. I grew up in an Episcopal church that was totally devoid of any spirituality whatsoever. My mother still attends and when I ask her things like, "why doesn't your church set up a soup kitchen for the poor people in town", she says she doesn't think the pastor really likes poor people. Very perceptive of her. I think American civil religion is a vehicle of containment, helping to maintain the status quo of protestant work ethic, morality and class hierarchy. Daddy is watching over you, and you better be "good". And the church becomes more and more a containment vehicle of the government.

I love movies, though, and hell, I'm glad people sacrifice themselves for my enjoyment. "Shaun of the Dead" was so funny, endearing and really well-written. Maybe the cute and likeable guys who made it can hold on to themselves. Did the Wilson brothers? Did Richard Linklater? Isn't Hollywood poison to all who enter?

Remember Brad Pitt when he blasted into our consciousness in "Thelma and Louise"? Beautiful. Or the miracle of Leonardo DiCaprio in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape"? Can he ever recoup from that mega-structure called "Titanic"? I look for them to make some radical change in their lifestyles and in the movies they choose to make, but it probably won't happen. They are just fuel for the "star-making machinery". (Does anyone even question that shit anymore, Joni Mitchell?)

I search for small gems in the video store, like "Rick", which I watched the other night. It stars Bill Pullman as the title character who demonstrates just what corporate america can do to a life. Its' take on our modern surveillance culture is freaky. It reminded me of "American Psycho", another good movie about corporate america.

Movies are so intertwined with my subconscious that they have become part of my essence, like the food that I eat. I heard John Waters say in an interview that he likes all movies, that they all contain something he appreciates. I can relate to that. I am a total movie-whore.